Do you do crash-back?

I'm informed by reliable sources that the extensive damage to the front of Co-op Thorne is the aftermath of a late-night stunt performed by a wannabe Lewis Hamilton in a heavy plant vehicle. Earlier reports of a ram-raid attempt on the store's cash machine can now be dismissed.

Apparently, some loon took a JCB from a building site close to the new health centre on Fieldside (without consent) at one in the AM and, after a spin, decided to do some late-night shopping!

I mean I know they have a new in-store policy discouraging the use of carrier bags, but surely, a simple Robin Reliant with a thoughtfully-cleared boot space would have surficed!

These environmentalists - they always take it just that little bit too far!